Nat Didn't Realize This Was Her Second Blog Entry in One Day ZOMG!

I'm probably blogging too much but I could care less right now. Yet again I'm having another case of 'the weirdness.' I'm pretty tired too so I should go to bed soon, but before that I need to vent. I sort of turn to my blog when I'm feeling this way because honestly I think there's only so much moodiness my friends can take. And I'm also down to one bestfriend because I fail at relationships and the best friend I actually have now I barely talk to so double fail. Well as of now I guess the only way to describe what I'm feeling is lonely. That's incredibly pathetic I know. I think I need better people skills or something.

I probably should watch Lost,

Lonlygrl15 (hahaha)

Hot, Sweaty, Sex

Okay so I'm not a pervert, it's just an attention grabber. It was an insanely hot day. Actually it's still hot. I'm sweating at this very moment, hence the title. The sex part comes from what my friends and I talked about for the majority of our time together. That was quite fun and entertaining. Towards the end, I messed up the mood by having to go home early and I was worried sick that my parents were going to go ballistic on me when I got home. Turns out I completely overreacted. They didn't even mention me coming in later than I had told them, thank God. So all is well and I get to live to see another day. I just can't wait to go back to campus so this won't be a problem anymore. See my issue is I worry too much.


Goodnight,
Worrywart

The Weirdness Continues...

So I guess I have a mood disorder because all of a sudden I'm feeling analytical, non hyper and just a little run down. So I've been thinking. I know I don't show enough appreciation for my friends and I know I don't stay in contact like I should but sometimes I can't help but have one of those days where you're feeling a little less appreciated. I don't know if I'm just jealous of the attention I perceive other people get. I say perceive because I'm most likely just being irrational. I doubt I am actually any less appreciated than the average person but some things make you wonder sometimes. The stupid thing about it is that its the smallest things that spark these weird thoughts. Oh well anyway, I saw my xanga after 4 years of...not seeing it. Needless to say I was horrified. I'm glad I don't advertise it. It's interesting to read now but its not something I'm exactly proud of. I didn't realize how ridiculous I actually am.

Nat

My Tummy Hurts...

So I'm going to blog haha! Yeah that title is probably the most annoying blog title I have ever posted but I couldn't think of anything. So anyways I've been overloading on Lost, fun stuff man. I'm on season three and needless to say, I would act differently if I were a hostage of "the others." But aside from that I'm also getting ready to go back to UCLA. I'm actually really excited to go. I'm done living under the tyranny of my parents! Off I go to freedom!! So yeah I'm sorting through all the crappy clothes I have and it turns out I don't have much of a wardrobe *sigh* but there is no one to really impress in college anyway so its no big deal. One thing about going away to college is...work...and studying. I hate that crap! But who doesn't? I also don't like how I'm away from my high school friends but they can drive up there haha I'll make them if I can. Oh and my uber cheesy layout! You like? Hmmm? Didn't think so. At least I'm an open dork haha. I'm thinking of drawing a cartoon of myself for my little layout if I have the time and stuff. Packing is going to be SO stressful and the whole transition to work mode no sleep and parties is going to be eh intense haha. I'm not really big on parties really they actually make me uncomfortable. Anyways past few days have been mediocre, I'm going on a diet, and I get paid tomorrow, woohoo!

Nat

The Creative Juices Are Running Low Here So No Original Title For You

So I was going to start with a brooding sentence or two about how no one reads this crap and how no one cares about the crap i spew everyday. BUT I am deciding not to do so. Its annoying and stupid because EVERYONE knows that I'm the only one in the entire planet that matters! *smiles broadly* So instead I am opting for the less depressing topic of "friends." Knowing me however, I can make this a depressing topic. So friends, they are...fun, sweet and all that generic stuff but I feel its time for self reflection concerning how I handle my circle of friends. Sometimes DEEP in the dark abyss of my mind, in the deepest moldiest OLDEST DARKEST most foul recesses of my mind, my conscience kicks in. Yes I've buried it deep. I thought it was dead but sometimes it emerges out of the darkness and this is one of those times. I feel like I don't show appreciation to the people around me. However, then there are times where I feel unappreciated. In reality though I am sure its not them, its me. On top of that I don't even know why I still have such good friends around me! It's amazing. I was told one time by a friend that if they told me exactly why they liked me, then I would change and I wouldn't be the same person that they love today. I mean I guess that's true, it probably would affect the way I act. But I want to know! I feel like one of those stupid blonde chicks in the movies that decides its a good idea to go to that dark scary corner over there because of curiosity. My black instincts should kick in! I should run! Haha but of course this isn't the same situation. Okay some super intense and extreme rambling is taking place right now. I don't even know if I got my point across. Anyway, I'm off.

Someone needs to think of better posts *points at self*

Nat

Void

WARNING: Extremely deep, philosophical, introspective, potentially emo post ahead!!

So I just realized something. Well I probably knew it already but it's finally come to the forefront of my consciousness. I am pretty fake and superficial. Most of the time it takes too much energy to interact with others. I open up a bit more with my friends but honestly, I don't know what the hell is behind my fake smiles and laughs. Half the time I'm laughing to fill in gaps because I have nothing to offer. Maybe I'm just brain dead or stupid or possibly I just don't know who I am. Talking to me doesn't really make for stimulating conversation and you can definitely tell if I'm uncomfortable and want out of a conversation. It's as if I am either forced to talk endlessly about nothing in particular, stare, laugh/smile for no reason or end the conversation prematurely. I find I do this SO much when it comes to my coworkers. They aren't bad people I just couldn't be bothered. It's like people take too much time and energy for me. I don't know if I'm even making any sense but I realized this issue I have with people as I was thinking about my interactions with people today, and how I can be full of life and energy and then all of a sudden die off. I feel like because it is so easy for me to reverse my hyper state, it means I was never full of life and energy in the first place. It's like my entire identity is a farce but I know no other identity than this false one.

I probably made no sense whatsoever.

Nat

Voldemort is Trying to Kill Us All With Google

Great evil is afoot. I fear there is another plot to destroy us muggles. Or to just make us royally pissed off. You see, Google in all its evil glory has taken over EVERYTHING. It's sad that I have just noticed it now but better late than never. It irks me how virtually every account you sign up for these days is somehow connected or linked to Google. Especially the whole Blogger thing. This is why the url to my blog has changed. Fucking Google has made it almost impossible for me to change the email to my Blogger account. My email was stuck on an address I meant to create for a separate Youtube account that I would share with a friend and so I didn't want it to be linked to my personal blog. But alas, Voldemort/Google had other plans for me. Not only was it ridiculously hard to change my email. I ended up deleting my other Blogger account and then making another one JUST because of the email issue. And even though it says my old Blogger username is available, I can no longer sign up for it! So this has left me red eyed with rage and just pure malice at the creators of Google. You fucking assholes! You will be punished!

PS: In the midst of my blind rage I deleted the Gmail account I was supposed to share with a friend which was linked to our Youtube account UGH!!! It's an endless web of EVIL!!!

Nat

You are What You Feel?

Okay I guess I had to vent somewhere. I feel like an ass because I didn't hang out with my college friends today when I was supposed to. I feel like even more of an ass because I was going to ditch them for my high school friends because I fail at planning things. And I just have an overall feeling of shitty-ness because I wasted my Saturday at a pointless gathering of Nigerians. it was an hour away, all the way in Fontana and I didn't want to be there at all. There was flies, food that I was afraid to eat, and no one to talk to. Even worse, I come home play with makeup and my whole look. I finally achieve a look just to realize that my whole fucking face is too hideous to translate nicely on digital cameras...

I hate the fact that what I see in the mirror everyday is something i find so grotesque and perverse it makes me sick.

I hate this SO much...

Great Day eh?

Nat

My Unhealthy Love Affair

I have a confession to make. Something that I never realized before. Something pushed so far back into the dark recesses of my mind, that I was unaware that I was harboring these feelings. I must confess and own up to the fact that, I, Nathalie, am in the deepest of loves with youtube. Yes, you heard me correctly. I LOVE youtube. It's endless supply of comedy and food for thought, the stupidity, randomness and glamor of youtube have charmed me to the point where there is no hope for me to come out of this stupor. Youtube has cast a permanent spell on me, and for that, I am not ashamed.

XOXOXOXO to Youtube

Nat

Darkies Are Ugly Part Deux

"Darkies Are Ugly"

So there is this sick twisted depravity that black people have become accustomed to. This said depravity is the belief that the lighter your skin is the more "valuable" you are. I really feel like doing a vlog about this once I get my youtube stuff going, but HONESTLY, This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves along with people who are homophobic. Guess what? Black people fall into both of those categories. It's really sad, and I must say it pisses me the fuck off. I probably should save everything else I'm going to say for when I do my vlog but yeah I really need to get this off my chest because I've been DYING to address this. My anger was sparked about this whole issue when i saw the MOST ignorant facebook post I have seen and it's by fellow black people! No wonder we are seen as ignorant and stupid! It's because so many of us say stupid crap and don't speak in a refined manner. If you want to combat these fucking stereotypes get the fuck out of the ghetto and put yourself to work! Get an education and prove the white man wrong. But no, most of us don't help the situation at all! UGH! Anyway, I'm off.

Nat

Send Me on the Next Bus/Car Ride/Flight/ ANYTHING Back to UCLA

So I'm going to gripe a lot in this blog so get used to it. No one is really reading it anyway so I shouldn't really care. Anyway, my mom's traveled out of the country and it's as if once she left my dad went on full "bitch on Nathalie" mode. Seriously. Maybe I'm PMSing and I'll probably be over it soon but I just can't help but get irritated and pissed because of him. He has the nerve to bitch about how I'm always glued to my computer that I've been on it since morning. First of all, this morning I was exercising my creative whatsit by drawing once I found my computer tablet. It's good to be creative dammit! I haven't drawn anything in ages! Not many people can say they draw the way I do without taking any classes! There aren't a whole lot of people who can use photoshop the way I do either! At least I'm not one of those disobedient rogue kids that do drugs have sex and engage in various acts of debauchery. I stay in the safe confines of my house, on my computer or watch true blood. Haha it could be worse. I'm really annoyed. What gets me is that he has the nerve to gripe about me to my uncle!(By the way he complained about me to my uncle while I was sitting RIGHT there in front of them) How embarrassing is that?! And ever since I got a job he has this CRAZY notion that I have to pay for everything. First of all its a recession and second of all I'm not exactly making a sizable annual salary like he is. He wants me to pay gas and everything and I technically own none of the cars in this house. UGH Someone send me back to UCLA quick. I may not be an amazing student and I may be completely lost academically when I'm over there but at least I have my freedom. Freedom which is invaluable.

Nat