Done

I'm done with the internet. peace out.

The Beginning (AGAIN!)

Hi Blogspot/Blogger, missed me? Well I kind of missed you too I guess...haha yea tumblr is pretty but there are also some essentials that it lacks. I guess this means I'll be blog hopping hahaha. Anyways, tomorrow I move back in to UCLA. (YESSSS!!) It's time for hard core studying but hard core fun as well. I'm not sad to see my summer go, it was a complete waste of time except for the money I earned at my job, getting paid is always fun. Well I'm looking forward to this year but I'm just afraid about one tiny little thing, my major haha. The fact that I have so many credits makes it SUPER hard for me to explore different majors, who would've imagined that?! Not me that's for sure. So I'm hoping II can forge ahead and give psychology all I've got, I'm trying to stray a little away from the medical feild but still stay where there is money and demand. Hopefully it all works itself out in the end *crosses fingers*

I can not WAIT to see my roomies. Oh my God, you've got to love em'.

Nat

Frustrating

Oh my GOD, there are just some people in this world, its like pulling TEETH. It's so awkward to talk to them and they barely contribute to the conversation. I hate it and I just avoid people I can't have good conversations with because it seems completely hopeless.

Am I the only one irked by this?

Nat

Twitter

Is SO hilarious when you follow crazy people and have CRAZY friends. The things I see on twitter will NEVER cease to amaze me.

That is all.

Check out my tumblr!

accionatnat.tumblr.com

<3 Nat

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry blogger/blogspot whatever you want to call yourself these days, I LOVE tumblr. It looks beautiful and so I will be transitioning to it. Hahaha I've been blogging for only two months and I already want to switch.

Anyway that is all.


http://accionatnat.tumblr.com/

Nat

Painfully Bored

Thee title says it all, I'm bored so I'm resorting to blogging. I'm still counting down the days until I go back to school. Can not WAIT for that financial aid check. I just spent over 100 dollars on makeup because I'm insane. Hmmm I don't know what else is going on in my neck of the woods. My sister is behind on lost so being the wonderful sister I am I am RE-WATCHING all the episodes she didn't see and let me tell you its over half a season worth of episodes. It's painful to say the least. I need to hop on the Dexter bandwagon quick but I haven't found a link to where I can download all the seasons. Yes its a recession so don't judge me! What would you do?! Anyways, just thought I'd share some of my mundane thoughts with the "readers" of my blog. Hopefully I think of something a little more interesting to blog about, until then I guess I'm off.

PS: It feels like I'm the only one who actually blogs about their life. Am I sharing too much info? I tend to do that a lot, I'm super open for reasons that are beyond me.

About to watch iCarly I guess,

Nat

Mother's Day Isn't Celebrated Over Here

So today was my last day on the job. Fun stuff. But when I was driving home I started thinking about the relationship I have with my mom. Needless to say, it's not that great of a bond. I swear she loves to resent me, or maybe that's just her other part time job. Whatever the case may be, she is impossible and I've really had it with her. My dad loves promoting family but I have no intention of mending this anymore. I've given that up because I've harbored resentment toward her for so long. So it's a mutual thing I guess. Right now there isn't really any conflict it's just thoughts I have in the back of my mind.

Hahaha looks like she won't be in my will. I'll pull a Michael Jackson and not include her in it.

Nat

Nat Didn't Realize This Was Her Second Blog Entry in One Day ZOMG!

I'm probably blogging too much but I could care less right now. Yet again I'm having another case of 'the weirdness.' I'm pretty tired too so I should go to bed soon, but before that I need to vent. I sort of turn to my blog when I'm feeling this way because honestly I think there's only so much moodiness my friends can take. And I'm also down to one bestfriend because I fail at relationships and the best friend I actually have now I barely talk to so double fail. Well as of now I guess the only way to describe what I'm feeling is lonely. That's incredibly pathetic I know. I think I need better people skills or something.

I probably should watch Lost,

Lonlygrl15 (hahaha)

Hot, Sweaty, Sex

Okay so I'm not a pervert, it's just an attention grabber. It was an insanely hot day. Actually it's still hot. I'm sweating at this very moment, hence the title. The sex part comes from what my friends and I talked about for the majority of our time together. That was quite fun and entertaining. Towards the end, I messed up the mood by having to go home early and I was worried sick that my parents were going to go ballistic on me when I got home. Turns out I completely overreacted. They didn't even mention me coming in later than I had told them, thank God. So all is well and I get to live to see another day. I just can't wait to go back to campus so this won't be a problem anymore. See my issue is I worry too much.


Goodnight,
Worrywart

The Weirdness Continues...

So I guess I have a mood disorder because all of a sudden I'm feeling analytical, non hyper and just a little run down. So I've been thinking. I know I don't show enough appreciation for my friends and I know I don't stay in contact like I should but sometimes I can't help but have one of those days where you're feeling a little less appreciated. I don't know if I'm just jealous of the attention I perceive other people get. I say perceive because I'm most likely just being irrational. I doubt I am actually any less appreciated than the average person but some things make you wonder sometimes. The stupid thing about it is that its the smallest things that spark these weird thoughts. Oh well anyway, I saw my xanga after 4 years of...not seeing it. Needless to say I was horrified. I'm glad I don't advertise it. It's interesting to read now but its not something I'm exactly proud of. I didn't realize how ridiculous I actually am.

Nat

My Tummy Hurts...

So I'm going to blog haha! Yeah that title is probably the most annoying blog title I have ever posted but I couldn't think of anything. So anyways I've been overloading on Lost, fun stuff man. I'm on season three and needless to say, I would act differently if I were a hostage of "the others." But aside from that I'm also getting ready to go back to UCLA. I'm actually really excited to go. I'm done living under the tyranny of my parents! Off I go to freedom!! So yeah I'm sorting through all the crappy clothes I have and it turns out I don't have much of a wardrobe *sigh* but there is no one to really impress in college anyway so its no big deal. One thing about going away to college is...work...and studying. I hate that crap! But who doesn't? I also don't like how I'm away from my high school friends but they can drive up there haha I'll make them if I can. Oh and my uber cheesy layout! You like? Hmmm? Didn't think so. At least I'm an open dork haha. I'm thinking of drawing a cartoon of myself for my little layout if I have the time and stuff. Packing is going to be SO stressful and the whole transition to work mode no sleep and parties is going to be eh intense haha. I'm not really big on parties really they actually make me uncomfortable. Anyways past few days have been mediocre, I'm going on a diet, and I get paid tomorrow, woohoo!

Nat

The Creative Juices Are Running Low Here So No Original Title For You

So I was going to start with a brooding sentence or two about how no one reads this crap and how no one cares about the crap i spew everyday. BUT I am deciding not to do so. Its annoying and stupid because EVERYONE knows that I'm the only one in the entire planet that matters! *smiles broadly* So instead I am opting for the less depressing topic of "friends." Knowing me however, I can make this a depressing topic. So friends, they are...fun, sweet and all that generic stuff but I feel its time for self reflection concerning how I handle my circle of friends. Sometimes DEEP in the dark abyss of my mind, in the deepest moldiest OLDEST DARKEST most foul recesses of my mind, my conscience kicks in. Yes I've buried it deep. I thought it was dead but sometimes it emerges out of the darkness and this is one of those times. I feel like I don't show appreciation to the people around me. However, then there are times where I feel unappreciated. In reality though I am sure its not them, its me. On top of that I don't even know why I still have such good friends around me! It's amazing. I was told one time by a friend that if they told me exactly why they liked me, then I would change and I wouldn't be the same person that they love today. I mean I guess that's true, it probably would affect the way I act. But I want to know! I feel like one of those stupid blonde chicks in the movies that decides its a good idea to go to that dark scary corner over there because of curiosity. My black instincts should kick in! I should run! Haha but of course this isn't the same situation. Okay some super intense and extreme rambling is taking place right now. I don't even know if I got my point across. Anyway, I'm off.

Someone needs to think of better posts *points at self*

Nat

Void

WARNING: Extremely deep, philosophical, introspective, potentially emo post ahead!!

So I just realized something. Well I probably knew it already but it's finally come to the forefront of my consciousness. I am pretty fake and superficial. Most of the time it takes too much energy to interact with others. I open up a bit more with my friends but honestly, I don't know what the hell is behind my fake smiles and laughs. Half the time I'm laughing to fill in gaps because I have nothing to offer. Maybe I'm just brain dead or stupid or possibly I just don't know who I am. Talking to me doesn't really make for stimulating conversation and you can definitely tell if I'm uncomfortable and want out of a conversation. It's as if I am either forced to talk endlessly about nothing in particular, stare, laugh/smile for no reason or end the conversation prematurely. I find I do this SO much when it comes to my coworkers. They aren't bad people I just couldn't be bothered. It's like people take too much time and energy for me. I don't know if I'm even making any sense but I realized this issue I have with people as I was thinking about my interactions with people today, and how I can be full of life and energy and then all of a sudden die off. I feel like because it is so easy for me to reverse my hyper state, it means I was never full of life and energy in the first place. It's like my entire identity is a farce but I know no other identity than this false one.

I probably made no sense whatsoever.

Nat

Voldemort is Trying to Kill Us All With Google

Great evil is afoot. I fear there is another plot to destroy us muggles. Or to just make us royally pissed off. You see, Google in all its evil glory has taken over EVERYTHING. It's sad that I have just noticed it now but better late than never. It irks me how virtually every account you sign up for these days is somehow connected or linked to Google. Especially the whole Blogger thing. This is why the url to my blog has changed. Fucking Google has made it almost impossible for me to change the email to my Blogger account. My email was stuck on an address I meant to create for a separate Youtube account that I would share with a friend and so I didn't want it to be linked to my personal blog. But alas, Voldemort/Google had other plans for me. Not only was it ridiculously hard to change my email. I ended up deleting my other Blogger account and then making another one JUST because of the email issue. And even though it says my old Blogger username is available, I can no longer sign up for it! So this has left me red eyed with rage and just pure malice at the creators of Google. You fucking assholes! You will be punished!

PS: In the midst of my blind rage I deleted the Gmail account I was supposed to share with a friend which was linked to our Youtube account UGH!!! It's an endless web of EVIL!!!

Nat

You are What You Feel?

Okay I guess I had to vent somewhere. I feel like an ass because I didn't hang out with my college friends today when I was supposed to. I feel like even more of an ass because I was going to ditch them for my high school friends because I fail at planning things. And I just have an overall feeling of shitty-ness because I wasted my Saturday at a pointless gathering of Nigerians. it was an hour away, all the way in Fontana and I didn't want to be there at all. There was flies, food that I was afraid to eat, and no one to talk to. Even worse, I come home play with makeup and my whole look. I finally achieve a look just to realize that my whole fucking face is too hideous to translate nicely on digital cameras...

I hate the fact that what I see in the mirror everyday is something i find so grotesque and perverse it makes me sick.

I hate this SO much...

Great Day eh?

Nat

My Unhealthy Love Affair

I have a confession to make. Something that I never realized before. Something pushed so far back into the dark recesses of my mind, that I was unaware that I was harboring these feelings. I must confess and own up to the fact that, I, Nathalie, am in the deepest of loves with youtube. Yes, you heard me correctly. I LOVE youtube. It's endless supply of comedy and food for thought, the stupidity, randomness and glamor of youtube have charmed me to the point where there is no hope for me to come out of this stupor. Youtube has cast a permanent spell on me, and for that, I am not ashamed.

XOXOXOXO to Youtube

Nat

Darkies Are Ugly Part Deux

"Darkies Are Ugly"

So there is this sick twisted depravity that black people have become accustomed to. This said depravity is the belief that the lighter your skin is the more "valuable" you are. I really feel like doing a vlog about this once I get my youtube stuff going, but HONESTLY, This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves along with people who are homophobic. Guess what? Black people fall into both of those categories. It's really sad, and I must say it pisses me the fuck off. I probably should save everything else I'm going to say for when I do my vlog but yeah I really need to get this off my chest because I've been DYING to address this. My anger was sparked about this whole issue when i saw the MOST ignorant facebook post I have seen and it's by fellow black people! No wonder we are seen as ignorant and stupid! It's because so many of us say stupid crap and don't speak in a refined manner. If you want to combat these fucking stereotypes get the fuck out of the ghetto and put yourself to work! Get an education and prove the white man wrong. But no, most of us don't help the situation at all! UGH! Anyway, I'm off.

Nat

Send Me on the Next Bus/Car Ride/Flight/ ANYTHING Back to UCLA

So I'm going to gripe a lot in this blog so get used to it. No one is really reading it anyway so I shouldn't really care. Anyway, my mom's traveled out of the country and it's as if once she left my dad went on full "bitch on Nathalie" mode. Seriously. Maybe I'm PMSing and I'll probably be over it soon but I just can't help but get irritated and pissed because of him. He has the nerve to bitch about how I'm always glued to my computer that I've been on it since morning. First of all, this morning I was exercising my creative whatsit by drawing once I found my computer tablet. It's good to be creative dammit! I haven't drawn anything in ages! Not many people can say they draw the way I do without taking any classes! There aren't a whole lot of people who can use photoshop the way I do either! At least I'm not one of those disobedient rogue kids that do drugs have sex and engage in various acts of debauchery. I stay in the safe confines of my house, on my computer or watch true blood. Haha it could be worse. I'm really annoyed. What gets me is that he has the nerve to gripe about me to my uncle!(By the way he complained about me to my uncle while I was sitting RIGHT there in front of them) How embarrassing is that?! And ever since I got a job he has this CRAZY notion that I have to pay for everything. First of all its a recession and second of all I'm not exactly making a sizable annual salary like he is. He wants me to pay gas and everything and I technically own none of the cars in this house. UGH Someone send me back to UCLA quick. I may not be an amazing student and I may be completely lost academically when I'm over there but at least I have my freedom. Freedom which is invaluable.

Nat

Mean Monica, Angry Angela, and Evil Eileen Get Together for Breakfast!

Hahaha this needs to stop right now. The titles I'm coming up with are so stupid. Anyway, something just crossed my mind. I'm not one to judge (that's a lie), but sometimes I feel like a certain coworker of mine is absolutely, irrevocably, permanently retarded. That was mean but for some reason she gets on my nerves. She says all the wrong crap to me and I get a sudden superiority complex when she's around. Hmmm, Angry Angela/ Mean Monica/ Evil Eileen need to stop. I'm pretty sure its a combination of the three.

Nat

Positive Porshia

Hahaha I fail at coming up with good names. Anyway today was a good day. Actually this whole weekend was quite nice. I loved going the beach today and I had a lot of fun watching Harry Potter yesterday. I am definitley not looking forward to work tomorrow but right now I'm in a really good mood despite the fact that I feel like I'm being ditched and lied to by a certain friend of mine but it's okay because I spent time with people who have time for me. They are my true friends and they're all single like me! Ha! Okay that was probably too much information but I could care less, I'm bitter. So there you have it, an end to a really good day. Now I'm going to watch True Blood!

Nat

iTouch, Harry Potter, and Birthday Wishes

So I'll begin on a happy note because this one's going to end in me griping for a considerable amount of time. First off, I'm blogging on my iTouch which is cool. I feel important haha. Okay that's all I wanted to say about my iPod. Next is Harry Potter. I watched it for the second time with my sister and it was still absolutely lovely! I can't get enough of it. I just want to say I am completely and utterly not ready and not willing to let go of my childhood which has been intertwined with Harry Potter so much. I already miss it and if I want to have a good cry about growing up all I need to do is remember how I felt when I finished the series. That was a sad day to say the least. Um, that wasn't supposed to end so negatively, Harry Potter should always be positive when I talk about it even though I love brooding about the darkness of the series. Okay next subject, my birthday. Haha one thing you need to know is that I'm selfish and I don't try to hide it. I'm already anticipating my 20th (Good GOD!!! 20 is fucking old I feel 15) to be a complete disaster next year just because the general trend that I have identified with my birthdays in the past is that they have become progressively worse. For my 19 I got no presents haha yea...I sort of feel bad for griping now but this whole birthday thing got me thinking. It's not until February so it's safe to say I'm just being uber (Why is uber underlined as if its spelled incorrectly? You can't see it but I can and it bugs) self absorbed right now by even thinking this far ahead but um the whole no gift thing made me think that for my 20 I need a boyfriend because that's the only way I'm going to get a gift out of anybody. This post is probably a really hateful one that will not earn me any admirers haha but admitting your flaws is the first step right?

I wonder if my background looks different on other people's screens because the dimensions for it are specified for my wide screen laptop.

Nat

Aloof

So I was considering ending this blog completely because well Negative Nancy was telling me that I was unoriginal, lacked a voice of my own, and was just plain stupid for even thinking that a blog was going to be a good idea. But I'm disregarding that for now because I'm bored, at work and have nothing better to do. I also feel the need to express what's on my mind whether people want to hear it or not. Anyway, I'm trying to pinpoint how I'm feeling right now and I think I usually do a good job identifying my feelings if I try hard enough. Right now I'm sort of...feeling empty. Not depressed or anything! Just very um, under-stimulated. Maybe I can throw in apathetic too. I find that it is too much effort to keep up certain relationships and if I'm not mistaken, I have a feeling that I'm actually sheltering myself even more than usual. Sort of closing off the rest of the world from myself. I'm not looking for smart-ass advice telling me to go outside, get a life, go to the mall etc. I mean I can do those things and still come back and once I settle in its the same thing all over again. Hmm okay maybe this one will be my last post, or not. Let's see how I feel about this.

Negative Nancy

Okay so I don't quite appreciate the way I ended my last entry (about the coworkers hating me). I mean why would I think that anyway right? I should be confident! Ha! Look at me I'm acting as if people are already reading my stuff. Two entries in one day? Ridiculous. Oh the wonderful delusions... Anyway, I'm super sick today actually I've been exceptionally sick ALL week. I just sneezed by the way. Oh so I want to train myself to not be so negative. You know I find myself being the term Chris Crocker so brilliantly put it, a "Negative Nancy" and it has to stop here. I will be a Realistic Rita from now on! I need to stop blogging in such close succession haha or else you people will think I have no life... hehe... *ahem*

P.S. I look SO old in my profile picture. Like a mother or something but seeing as I never look decent and my nose likes to take over everything on my face, I shall not be taking new pictures until I'm presentable (Ha! Like that will happen soon).

Shut up Negative Nancy! I'm having such a hard time avoiding her!

Nat

And so it Begins...

So I don't even know if I capitalized that title correctly. I'm being extremely irresponsible right now because I'm at work and of course, blogging. This is my first one, obviously, and I would like to place the blame completely on Kat Dennings whose blog is absolutely amazing. I just found out about it and decided to begin reading from her really old blogs all the way back when she was kind of starting out. I know, I'm a freak. Anyway, another reason why I started this is so that I can have some sort of vessel to expel all the crap that's constantly swimming in my head (there isn't much there anyway) and of course to alleviate my boredom, which remains a constant companion to me. I'll have you know I don't speak like this at all in person. I'm an illiterate fool who doesn't understand the value of proper grammar in everyday speech. No seriously, I am. Hahaha, anyway, I'm pretty boring and definitely not as interesting as Kat Dennings. And oh my God I really feel the need to put this one thing in, well my coworkers and I have declared that we have lunch and let me just say it is amazing how some people can be so...irksome for a lack of a better word. Anyway they probably hate me.

P.S. Who in their right mind thinks it's appropriate to look over the shoulder of their coworker while they are on the computer, rest their chin on the top of their coworker's chair and place their feet on the bottom of said chair so that it's harder for the person to move? Ia she a freak? I think so.

She's the same person who said it smelled like ham in the hallway...enough said.

Nat